yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
