dude i'm inner monologue high
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The ass gains better be worth it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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