I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
