Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
