I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
