so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
