why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
