Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
