from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just threw up on my dentist
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
