Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
