I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
