Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
