In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
