My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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