she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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