My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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