i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
