I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
