That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
