Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
