to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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