The maid of honor just puked.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
