I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
