we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
