bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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