I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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