yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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