She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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