Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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