Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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