Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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