I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
