the condom got lost in my hair
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
either way he was missing a nipple.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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