So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
is it fun? or sober?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
