We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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