I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
