I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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