I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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