I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
