White coat. Heels.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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