insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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