Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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