I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
