I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we're making bets on your personal life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
