Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
