thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
