we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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