i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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