i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
