She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
