With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
