I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
