So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
