My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
