she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
