Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
