you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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