David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
